A Christmas Letter

As we close on this year and decade, there is one word we return to again and again.
                                                          Gratitude
On an irregular basis while at the dinner table we take turns voicing our "Hi-Low" from the day. And on so, so many days, it leaves us with an appreciation that the day wasn't so bad after all, and tomorrow is a new day.
This year we are thankful for healthy and strong bodies and fed minds that continue to want to seek out new travels, books, communion with friends, love for family, and peace.
This year brought loss; our beloved Ramona left us much too soon for our hearts and we walked through this grief (and continue to) together.
This year brought Mei Li. She was found in a parking lot by a couple of good Samaritans who fed her, started her vaccines, and intentionally didn't name her so that she would be ready to find home. She found it, has a fondness for chewing on it, and we are thrilled. And thankful.
This year we enjoyed where we live with, alternating between our favorite Indian places nearly every week, finding new little creeks and waterfalls on hikes, camping with our dear friends on Petit Jean, snuck a mini trip in to Mount Magazine in the spring. And then Ben hopped on a mountain bike. We are thankful for a year with no broken bones.
This year we sought to escape the merciless Arkansas sun to foggy England. We explored the pastoral Cotswolds, hiked amongst the sheep, Brandy had an experience with the NHS (on the other side of doctoring), ate all the fish and chips and hiked the craggy hills of Cornwall down to the most beautiful beach and water we have ever not swam in.
This year Ben and Brandy woke up to 40. We aren't sure how it's supposed to feel, but we're glad it doesn't feel old. We decided to celebrate a tinge early by walking for 4 days and 45 miles through the City of Lights. Every moment (except maybe the lost ones or the steps up to Sacre Coeur) felt deeply special. Hands down, our favorite time was the morning spent walking through Pere Lachaise Cemetery to find Proust's grave, followed by coffee at Cafe Pure. I then led us on a while goose chase to find Sezane, and that balanced out the calm peaceful morning.
A new school year meant a third grader and another year of Pre-K for Thomas. Ben commenced his third year of teaching at OBU now as a tenure track Assistant Professor and Brandy, another year of wrestling with the joys and struggles of hospitalist work. We are grateful to feel established and challenged in our jobs and school.
We are grateful that Serena and Thomas are being challenged in strength of mind and muscle in Taekwondo, basketball, and in music - Serena (violin) and Thomas (piano).
We are thankful for our church home and rhythm. You can find Ben in the choir along with Serena and Thomas. Serena is especially working hard and it has been delightful to hear her voice sounding more and more strong to meet her enthusiasm. You can find me in the pew every other week, shushing children.
As always, we remain focused on our futures and our children's future as well as the current world around us. We struggle to understand other perspectives and continue to fight for equality, for a safer world, a greener world for our children's futures, and for justice.
And now, lists!
favorites read,seen, listened to, or experienced in 2019:

Read:
Harry Potter (Serena)
Dragons Love Tacos (sigh) (Thomas)
Becoming, The Dutch House, The Overstory (Brandy)
Gilead, Wolf Hall, Stoner (Ben)

Watched:
Wild Kratts (S & T)
Watchmen, Fleabag (B & B)

Podcasts:
Wow in the World, Circle Round, Smash Boom Best (Thanks, Lumpkins!) (S & T)
OnBeing, Supersoul, Pantsuit Politics, The Liturgists, Armchair Expert (Brandy)
Good Christian Fun, IceBox Radio Theater, Anthem: Homonculus (Ben)

Experienced:
Hiking at Arthur's Castle (all)
Going to Nena's and NaiNai's (all!)
Climbing out of the metro station to see Notre Dame (Brandy)
Any time on the mountain bike (Ben)

We look with full hearts and eager minds to 2020!

One week in

We are nearing the mark of being together longer at home than in Guangzhou. It may just be me, but each time stamp that brings us together for longer than we've been apart/moving around/etc helps to ease the tension of worrying about his comfort. What does he think when he wakes up in this room? What goes through his mind when we strap him in the carseat? Does he feel a little less uncertainty each time? This is my full time job, at least for the time I have at home. I go back to work in less than two weeks, which sounds just awful for attachment until I remember, oh yes, I am off every other week and during the day from the moment he wakes until the late ish afternoon.

At this time stamp, Thomas has shown us the most delightful laugh. We know it can be elicited with rolling him over and over and tickling his neck. He has gone from shaking with fear when the dogs are around to feeding them and holding the leash. His independent spirit has broken somewhat free and he is (like his sister) very interested in latching his own seat belts and going up and down stairs without my hand. It is a far far change from our first couple of days home in which I had to hold him continuously. I think the secret is in the squeaky shoes. Wearing them seems to bolster his confidence.

He loves music, enjoys the little piano tremendously, and noticeably relaxes when we sing to him.

We are working on communication, moving from grunts and wails to "mama help" and "mama please." It's a process.

His cries are guttural and deeply intense. I can't tell if he's grieving, but sometimes I hold him through it in case he is, not trying to suppress or stop the cry.

A day at a time, from moment to moment, trying to breathe, slow down, and see the forest when the trees are being whiny. :)

Watching Baba power wash

discovering sticks and dirt

helping clean out mama's summer garden 

sunday morning 

what are we supposed to be looking at?

Home for the first time

 

29 hours, three planes,  16 long lines, a handful of tantrums and very very little sleep later, we made it home. Ah, travel, the end and the beginning really really stink but the actual experience is everything. 

One last note from China

While I write, Ben is out watch shopping and the kids are snoozing away. We used our last day to explore the "safari park" that is one hour outside the city, which, in a city of 25 million, is saying something. The park was wonderful and well worth whatever we paid to get in! It was kind of like a more open, lush, interactive zoo. There are stations to feed many of the animals and over lunch we watched the Tigers being fed (Serena's favorite). There were panda triplets and toucans and only one meltdown, which we all survived. See photos on the Facebook album :) not of the meltdown, though ben did take pictures of it "to look back on later." I nearly fed him to the tigers at that point. 

We are sad to leave China again but looking forward to returning home. Tomorrow Thomas will board three planes. Let's hope he weathers them the way he has weathered all of his other firsts: short plane ride, paddle boat, escalator, many many elevators, taxi, cruise boat, and subway. All within 1.5 weeks. 

We will be cocooning upon returning home as much as we can for this little guy to feel safe and come to understand love, but do send messages and visit! 

Consulate Day!

Means we are one step closer to finishing this marathon. After leaving the consulate our way out was even marked by those metal barricades used at races, so the metaphor was quite fitting. Ben and I raised our right hands to promise to care for our son, did a 5 minute interview, and whoop, we are done with all the official part of our stay. We celebrated with Cantonese lunch surrounded by smoke and aquariums of turtles, snakes, and swordfish for our choosing. We did not but perhaps should have as the beef was mostly fat. Lesson learned. Thomas has been, for lack of a better term, cranky. I'm not sure if he is grieving. He doesn't seem scared at all, apart from the ride to the consulate reminding him of the clinic. In many ways, he very much seems younger than 2, in ways we didn't experience with Serena. He cries when hungry, is content to rock in my arms to sleep, and coos when happy. Mix that with characteristics of a typical 2 year old - keeps us well on our toes! He is not content yet with Ben (reversal of Serena), won't even let him push the stroller, but they have had good moments and it will get better. 

Things that make him happy: Chinese crackers, chasing Jie Jie, being thrown up in the air, and we have quite the water baby on our hands! I'm pretty sure that a few more sessions in the pool and he'll be swimming independently! He loves it and yesterday began jumping off the side into my arms. He began singing twinkle twinkle little star in his sweet little voice and each night echoes back "wo ai nee," which is I love you. 

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana

The days are swiftly moving by in a flurry of touristing, eating, picking noodles off our clothes. Yesterday we visited a Buddhist temple; we were meaning to return to the same temple we visited with S last time but something was lost in translation or perhaps the cab driver thought we'd like this one more, I'm not sure. In any case the visit alternated between peaceful strolling and "don't touch that," so typical parenting adventures. We stopped for dim sum on Shamian island and *i think* it was delicious - there was much toddler angst. He's from Chengdu, they don't do dim sum there. Like his mama, though, he went for the sweet pork buns and we both enjoyed the cuddle fish. We revisited old haunts from Serena's time and I welled up with tears in front of our old hotel; at that time I had no idea whether she would ever accept me as mama. Oh, how our stories can change for the good! 

We ended the day in a boat with all the other families on the Pearl River cruise, eschewing the remarkably bad food remembered from last, this time for pizza instead. The night air was perfect and little T raised his hand to feel the wind. Serena wanted to dance or play "dragons." If you are curious about "dragons," dear reader, just ask her. :)

It is nearly impossible to upload photos from this app, so I think I will create a private fb album for those interested. If you've commented or I know you're reading, I'll make it visible to you. Xoxo

1 week ago

We were desperately trying to get here after all the plane delays and today, (Sunday), the three are four. This day in Guangzhou was for touring around. We had breakfast and took off to a large family shrine. The Chen family (Serena's given family name) established this shrine in the 19th century. It was peaceful and full of truly amazing carvings. Serena was most excited about the tiger scroll she found and I was attempting to find serenity for Thomas who, as it turns out, was hungry from the moment he woke. We fed him crackers until we ran out. He was momentarily distracted by the animals and creatures at the medicine market we went to afterwards but his mind was never far from food. There were smiles of glee as I threw him up in the air at the shrine, his little hands reaching for the tree leaves, but he grieved yesterday, and we held him through it. 

There was a cool breeze tonight as we walked the streets of Guangzhou, taking in a tea shop or two and buying a little street food (fruit). He opened up and resched for kisses near the end and my heart may have burst.